Er, yeah. Not a writer. Sorry about the dramatic! sadness! emo! Matt just brings that out in me? /o\
Fandom: Daredevil (TV) Rating: teen Relationships: Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Tags:Trigger Warning for panic attacks. post-reveal, extreme wallowing in pain, sad Matt :( Podfic: stream or download the podfic version here.
The door slams shut, and he hears Foggy walking down the hall. Foggy's steps don't pause, his breathing is deep and measured, like he's counting how long to keep each breath in his lungs. Like he counted out loud for Matt when Matt couldn't shake the nightmare even after Foggy had woken him up, so many times that first year. (seven times)
He snaps back in time, closes his eyes, listens to Foggy's voice. Always does when he's close to shattering. "Matt, breathe with me. In, one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four." Foggy gets him through this. (But Foggy left)
It hurts. Matt can't process it, it hurts so much. He also can't quite breathe, his body aches, the cuts, the bruising, and the couple three walls over is fighting again, he's asking her if they shouldn't just give up. Foggy left. Foggy walked out on him. Foggy walked away, even though Matt begged him to stay. Matt's heart feels like it's about to stop, burst, something. He gasps for breath.
Matt had always known Foggy would leave, how could he not. Lying to him was a calculated risk, to keep them intact for as long as he could. (Keep Foggy.) Matt knows, knew, that everything he's been doing is circumventing what Foggy loves most: the law. (Not Matt.) Foggy loves what it can do, loves how the best laws bring order to whole societies, turn them into something that can make humanity great. Better than the mess of the most cruel, most powerful people ruling the rest, which is what humans are. Matt knows. There are people who need help faster than the law can provide, and he can't ignore that. Even if it cost him his best- (everything.) His heart strains again, even though he can tell that it's beating normally, given the situation.
He hears Foggy cursing, refocuses on him in a second. He's on the street now, heading north. His voice is worn from arguing with Matt all day. Matt can't tell if he's crying.
Matt takes a breath. As he does, the odd, detached and snidely amused part of him that's always there when everything falls apart realizes that there was still some part of him that had not believed Foggy actually would walk away from him, from them. He'd known. But he hadn't believed it was a real possibility until now. He'd never planned for this. He plans for everything. How had he not thought about this before? Who'll get the firm? Who'll keep the office? Who'll keep Karen? Obviously, he'll bow out, make arrangements, if (if Foggy will not ever talk to him again) (Foggy walked out) (I wouldn't have kept this from you. Not from you.)
"Breathe in, Matty. Everything's fine, two, three, you're not there anymore. Breathe out. I'm here, we're breathing together, you're okay, and four. Breathe in. One, this is a new beginning, Matt. The two of us, lawyering up a storm! Breathe out."
Matt can't hear Foggy anymore, even the slight squeak the shoes he's been wearing lately too far away now.
For a moment, there's nothing, just the scent of blood and antiseptic, the taste of his tears on his tongue, all sound suspended. Then Matt tries to breathe, and his chest turns to fire again. He conquers his panic - it's Foggy. (Not from you.) The city needs the mask, needs Matt, but he needs (I only ever needed my friend!)
Matt draws himself up a little, unclenches his fists. No. They are Nelson and Murdock. Foggy will not leave him, not forever.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2016-01-06 12:19 am (UTC)Fandom: Daredevil (TV)
Rating: teen
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson
Tags: Trigger Warning for panic attacks. post-reveal, extreme wallowing in pain, sad Matt :(
Podfic: stream or download the podfic version here.
The door slams shut, and he hears Foggy walking down the hall. Foggy's steps don't pause, his breathing is deep and measured, like he's counting how long to keep each breath in his lungs. Like he counted out loud for Matt when Matt couldn't shake the nightmare even after Foggy had woken him up, so many times that first year. (seven times)
He snaps back in time, closes his eyes, listens to Foggy's voice. Always does when he's close to shattering. "Matt, breathe with me. In, one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four." Foggy gets him through this. (But Foggy left)
It hurts. Matt can't process it, it hurts so much. He also can't quite breathe, his body aches, the cuts, the bruising, and the couple three walls over is fighting again, he's asking her if they shouldn't just give up. Foggy left. Foggy walked out on him. Foggy walked away, even though Matt begged him to stay. Matt's heart feels like it's about to stop, burst, something. He gasps for breath.
Matt had always known Foggy would leave, how could he not. Lying to him was a calculated risk, to keep them intact for as long as he could. (Keep Foggy.) Matt knows, knew, that everything he's been doing is circumventing what Foggy loves most: the law. (Not Matt.) Foggy loves what it can do, loves how the best laws bring order to whole societies, turn them into something that can make humanity great. Better than the mess of the most cruel, most powerful people ruling the rest, which is what humans are. Matt knows. There are people who need help faster than the law can provide, and he can't ignore that. Even if it cost him his best- (everything.) His heart strains again, even though he can tell that it's beating normally, given the situation.
He hears Foggy cursing, refocuses on him in a second. He's on the street now, heading north. His voice is worn from arguing with Matt all day. Matt can't tell if he's crying.
Matt takes a breath. As he does, the odd, detached and snidely amused part of him that's always there when everything falls apart realizes that there was still some part of him that had not believed Foggy actually would walk away from him, from them. He'd known. But he hadn't believed it was a real possibility until now. He'd never planned for this. He plans for everything. How had he not thought about this before? Who'll get the firm? Who'll keep the office? Who'll keep Karen? Obviously, he'll bow out, make arrangements, if (if Foggy will not ever talk to him again) (Foggy walked out) (I wouldn't have kept this from you. Not from you.)
"Breathe in, Matty. Everything's fine, two, three, you're not there anymore. Breathe out. I'm here, we're breathing together, you're okay, and four. Breathe in. One, this is a new beginning, Matt. The two of us, lawyering up a storm! Breathe out."
Matt can't hear Foggy anymore, even the slight squeak the shoes he's been wearing lately too far away now.
For a moment, there's nothing, just the scent of blood and antiseptic, the taste of his tears on his tongue, all sound suspended. Then Matt tries to breathe, and his chest turns to fire again. He conquers his panic - it's Foggy. (Not from you.) The city needs the mask, needs Matt, but he needs (I only ever needed my friend!)
Matt draws himself up a little, unclenches his fists. No. They are Nelson and Murdock. Foggy will not leave him, not forever.
(Foggy was Matt's new beginning)
Matt's not sure he can have another.